Among human relationships, the most important are those between man and woman – no matter whether between lovers, husband and wife, or friends.
We have talked about how Feng Shui affects human relationships. But the relationships between husband and wife living under one roof is only a small aspect of man-woman relationships.
A husband and wife living under one roof are affected by Chi energy, but not only by Chi energy. And couples or friends who do not live together are not affected by Chi energy in the same way. However, all are affected by the information level ( conscious spirit, emotion).
Throughout history, there have been many books that address male-female relationships, especially love relationships. They talk about how to find an ideal lover, how to maintain harmonious relationships, and so on. In addition to discussing morality and psychology, people have tried to use astrology, five-element theory, the Chinese Four Pillar method, and even blood type, to look for answers to problems that arise.
All these approaches overlook the fundamental factor: the fundamental difference between male and female, which manifest differently according to the Yin-Yang perspective.
In Yin-Yang theory, male is Yang and female is Yin. The male manifests masculine energy, and the female manifests feminine energy. Of course, this is a generalization: it is not quite so simple. As in all aspects of Taiji theory, there is always Yin in Yang, and Yang in Yin. The ratio is 70/30: in other words, a male will manifest 70% masculine energy and 30% feminine energy, and a female will manifest 70% feminine energy and 30% masculine energy. And, of course, there are always exceptions: some women are more masculine than most men, and some men are more feminine than most women.
Men tend to be more logical and rational; women tend to be more intuitive and emotional. Men tend to use rationality to do things; women tend to use emotions to do things.
High and big are Yang; low and small are Yin. Men tend to think about big things: career, politics, conquering the world. Women tend to think about more practical matters: maintaining the household, caring for those who live in it, and baby is well-fed. Men tend to be more coarse; women tend to be more refined. Therefore, in general, men do not pay as much attention to details as women do; women, in general, do not engage with men’s grandiose projects: they may listen, but they do not get absorbed.
We could make a long list of traits of male/female contrasts, but the point is this: this difference often creates a challenge for creation and understanding. A wife may spend a lot of time picking out a special tie for her husband on his birthday, but the husband may just accept it, say thanks, put the tie on the sofa, and continue watching television. Naturally, the wife will be disappointed.
On the other hand, a man might give his girlfriend flowers, chocolates, or other gifts, but she may not be that happy, much to his confusion. It might be that the woman has taken special care with her hair, or dress, and the man just hasn’t noticed it, and the woman has noticed that he hasn’t. Such small issues can accumulate into a big issue.
During courtship, for example a man will be very available to help with computer or mechanical problems. But after marriage the husband will “disappear”– especially if both work full-time. On the weekend, when they might have time to spend together, the husband may say that he has promised watch football with his friends and goes off on his own. On the other hand, when they do go out together, the husband may wonder why his wife might take hours shopping yet buy nothing.
Male and female manifest different attributes. Space is Yin; time is Yang. Men therefore need space to complement their Yang qualities; women need time to complement their Yin qualities. Women need time to process their feelings and emotions. For example, men don’t understand why women need two hours to get ready for an outing. This time is not only spent to physically get ready, what they really do is spend time to process their feelings. Conversely, a man may go for a drink with his friends but it doesn’t mean he loves his wife any less, he needs his space for his yang needs. That’s the nature of things.
When a man and woman understand this, it is easier for them to recognize what is going on, accept their own needs and those of their partners, and learn to live together.
When a man and woman join, they will have some things in common, and some things that are not in common. What they have in common creates resonance, and empowers the relationship. What they do not have in common creates the opportunity to nourish each other with different qualities and strengths.
It would be very boring for two people who are exactly the same to live together or get married. But if they are so different that there is nothing in common then there is no resonance, no empowerment, and they won’t be able to live together.
In any union, there can be a difference in interests, talent, or temperament – but it is important that they share the same values, and the same larger goals, so that they can look together into the future.